4 posts tagged “spirituality”

Entry 5: On Self

February 12, 2008

Well, here we are at Day 7 of Lent and it is already difficult to remember I'm in Lent. I think it is the word "self" that creates the problem for me. Lent is about "self" examination, "self" discipline, "self" denial. It's even about "self induced action: prayer, reading, study, involvement. Oh, sure, there are group activities--extra worship services, programs, soup, but they require "self" motivation to get involved.

It's not like Christmas at all. There aren't Lent shopping days. Inane music does not blast out of speakers on my street. There are no Lenten decorations to get out and the grocery store doesn't stock special Lent items. I can't go to a Lent aisle at CVS. The closest I can come to is recalling a Lenten candle holder that worked like an Advent wreath though it was in the shape of a cross, hot cross buns--I can't eat them anymore--and, yes, matzo, if Passover and Easter coincide.

Oh, and if you're wondering, there was a church debate about that way back when. It's crazy that Easter, named for a fertility goddess, is tied to the astronomical calendar. However, the reason it got detached from Passover is twofold:

1. It meant Christians had to consort with Jews to know when Passover would occur. Christians had a habit of converting back to or just to Judaism if they kept in touch. So much for their convictions.

2. Passover doesn't fall on the same day of the week. Christians wanted to remember the crucifixion on a Friday and celebrate the resurrection on a Sunday. They weren't happy with Good Friday coming on Monday.

And Good Friday--it's a corruption of God's Friday. All the drivel you've read about why Friday is good may be true in and of itself, but it has nothing to do with how we refer to the day in English. Other languages use other words, like Holy Friday.

Anyway ... So much for my excursuses. Sometimes I just have to get this stuff out to write something more germane.

I spent yesterday doing church podcasts. I have more to go, including entries 4 and 5 of my journal. It meant hearing sermons. I heard two new ones. Going to church on Saturday night means I either get an early draft of Sunday's sermon or something entirely different. I sometimes even get a different preacher. That was true for Ash Wednesday.

As a result, my Bible study has fallen off. I'm wondering if it is the concentration of listening that I only have a finite amount of or whether my daydream quotient is high. If I use up my concentration on the forums--there are two to review on a subject I would personally skip over-- Does that mean I have nothing left to devote to Bible study? That doesn't sound right. I wonder, as I write this, if it means I choose something different. Maybe I will just listen to Psalm 51.

I checked, by the way. The use of Psalm 103 must be a prayer book thing. The Revised Common Lectionary has Psalm 51 with no alternatives. As I said in an earlier entry, I am glad of Psalm 103, but it does mean I'm not totally crazy.

I'm wondering if today's entry is like artist pages. Julia Cameron has this idea that artists by which she means creative people, would benefit by writing two or three pages a day to get the clutter out of their brains so they can create. As for me, I just want another cup of coffee.

Entry 4: On Being A Fruitful Tree

February 10, 2008

Yikes! It's Sunday and I wrote my last journal entry on Wednesday. I plan to have a quiet day which is a good thing. The last couple of days have been crazy busy. The snow is making my apartment very quiet and peaceful. I love snowy days--one of the reasons I live here. Disclaimer: I neither shovel nor drive in snow. I like the way falling snowflakes feel against my face and the way snow underfoot muffles the sounds of everything. I even like the honest cold and the sunshine that always comes after a snowstorm. Ice, on the other hand, is another matter entirely.

I went to the healing service Thursday to give thanks for the progress I have made--I don't know how else to phrase it--with the healing process and to pray that the muscle continues to strengthen. The group actually cheered to hear the muscle is relaxing. I must confess, my attention to exercise has been greatly compromised. The passive voice is intentional here. I just haven't had it together. I suppose my only excuse is a crazy busy schedule of late and the change of routine from four times a day to three to two and now back to three. Anything I have to do several times a day is a challenge. After managing to take the dog out, and eat, things fall apart for me. In Colossians, the writer says Jesus holds all things together. An I think Yeats uses the line somehow in his poem The Second Coming. It's one of my favorites. An African writer wrote a book entitled "All Things Fall Apart". Well, I need Jesus to hold all this together for me.

We said Psalm 1. Psalm 1 comes up often. I particularly like the prayer book's rendering: "The way of the wicked is doomed." I can almost say this psalm by heart. There are the trees planted by the stream that produce their fruit in due season. We are told the righteous are like this, but the wicked are like chaff that is useless and is blown away. Is chaff like dust?

The Hebrew Scriptures insist righteousness is attainable, Reformation theology notwithstanding. Paul says both things. I've never found a Pauline scholar to explain this to me--how Paul can be both blameless under the Law and say "all have sinned and fall short of the Law." Maybe it's just one of those things--we can be both at the same time. Or, maybe, this is one of those times when Scripture can say two mutually exclusive things and they can both be true. There are different points of view in  the Bible and there is a lively debate going on there which mirrors the theological debates we have today when each side has its texts to prove its point. Everyone has the Word on their side and each insists theirs is the Word of God. Well, there's a rabbinic story that says each point of view is the Word of God. Hmmm.

Back to being a fruitful tree ... The women's Bible study is reading Isaiah. We're in a pretty obscure part. It doesn't show up in the lectionary and none of us are ever drawn to just start reading Isaiah at these chapters. In verse 2 the prophet looks forward to a day when individuals are shelters from the wind and shade in a weary land. Sounds a whole lot like being a fruitful tree.

Isaiah 32:2  A man shall be as a hiding-place from the wind, and a covert from the tempest, as streams of water in a dry place, as the shade of a great rock in a weary land.

I probably would have read right past this verse if I hadn't heard Psalm 1 an hour or so before which is how Scripture works in my life, why I try to read Scripture often and listen when it is read to me. One reading interprets, clarifies, prompts questions, argues with, gives a supporting or different interpretation of some other passage. It makes the experience rich.

You see, I've always listened to Psalm 1 as all about me. I've done those exercises where you describe the tree you see yourself to be. Everyone in a group picks a marvelous tree--strong as an oak, majestic as a pine, beautiful as a maple in the fall. The Isaiah verse suggests that our fruitfulness, our being ourselves and being blessed provides something for someone else. My fruitfulness isn't just for my own sake, my own enjoyment, my personal, exclusive relationship with God. It benefits others. I am to benefit others.

I led the Stations in Jesus' Life Windows service Friday. Fortunately a friend and her daughter came or I would have been alone. No St. Luke members showed up. We could have used the help and their company. I don't know how to do the lights.

But then again, we shared the service in the dying light of day. I read everything since I had no idea where the service books were. I did remember the order of the windows  and which wall they were located on. I wondered again that there is no crucifixion window. I suppose I could draw many conclusions from this. My friend pointed out that the water at the Jordan only goes up to Jesus' ankles. Have you noticed that? I find it fascinating what people comment on in art.

I sensed a conversation with Mary, both at the Christmas window and with Jesus as a young boy in the temple. There was so much hardship in her life. If there was a cross window, she would be there. What sort of a mother is that who can attend her son's execution?

Sadly, another cross posting. I have a backlog of podcasts to do for the church so I want to get them done before I do something new here. I am started to blog here, however, so there is some new content. Contemplative Prayer Cross Posting 

nanowrimo is taking my time and there's been lots of activity at The Voice of the Winged Ox so I'm cross-posting yet again. I hope you enjoy Conversation on Healing